Success and the Soft Life: Embracing Feminine Power in Ambition

All my life, I've been on a quest to find a version of success that feels softer - a path where my ambition and desire for impact can coexist with the gentle richness of a well-lived life.

As someone with a Type A personality, I'm naturally driven. I want to achieve big things, contribute my talents to a more beautiful world, and help re-weave the fabric of our society into something more humane and just.

But I live inside a highly sensitive person’s body and need a lot of stillness and space in my life in order to actually be present for this fleeting human experience and to savour the precious moments of connection which for me make life worth living.

In our culture, we're often presented with a false choice: you can be successful, or you can have a soft life, but not both. One must be sacrificed for the other.

This idea is not just limiting - it's a form of violence against the feminine.

And I’m devoted to challenging this notion, finding a new way and redefining success so that it honours both our ambitions and our need for softness.

— In this article —

• The Problem: The Masculine Model of Success

• The Solution: Redefining Success Through Softness

• The Power of Soft Outcomes

• Practical Steps: Embracing Softness in Your Journey to Success

• Your Invitation to a Softer Success

The Problem: The Masculine Model of Success

Our culture typically defines success through a very masculine, yang energy lens. It's all about hustling, grinding, and stretching ourselves to the limit for external outcomes and validation. This version of success has left many of us, especially women, burned out, depleted and disillusioned.

• The pandemic, the Great Resignation, and the rise of 'quiet quitting' have made it clear that this relentless pursuit of more is not the source of meaning and fulfillment we were promised.

• There's a growing longing for a softer life - a life that is spacious, with unstructured time, lived at a more leisurely pace which allows for real meaning, depth and connection.

• But if women feel forced to choose between ambition and this kind of softness, it's a profound loss - not just for us, but for the world.

The Solution: Redefining Success Through Softness

I see this as a time to redefine success - not just for society, but within our own bodies, families, communities, and broader culture. We are being called to reweave pathways of success that honour both ambition and softness.

Embracing Soft Outcomes

In my past career as a social worker, I often worked with what we called "soft outcomes." These were the unquantifiable yet profoundly meaningful achievements:

• A woman who had suffered domestic violence feeling safe enough to walk home alone at night

• Teenage boys learning to cook for themselves

• Increased connection between old people and young folks in a neighbourhood.

These soft outcomes are what make life worth living. They are the moments that bring richness, meaning, and beauty to our lives, even if they can't be easily measured, quantified, monetised.

I think about this a lot in my own life and business, I don’t want to abandon my change-making ambitions but I also want to live for the soft outcomes along the way. And in the end, are they even separate?

As we uncover a softer way towards success, we are re-weaving culture, embodying a new way, creating the world we wish to see - moment by moment.

The Power of Feminine Leadership

Softness and success are not separate.

In fact, ‘soft’ skills - empathy, compassion, vulnerability, sensitivity - are what make leaders truly great. Women excel at this type of leadership, yet it's the very thing we’re often shamed for.

But this softness is our power in the world.

I see over and over again in my work that from softness comes power, and from softness comes success.

The Power of Soft Outcomes

When we embrace softness, when we soften, magic happens.

In my work with women, I've seen this time and time again:

1. Softness unlocks potential: When a woman enters a session feeling defeated and overwhelmed by self-criticism, it's softness that unlocks her next step.

2. Kindness melts barriers: When we meet harsh, driving forces with kindness, the hardness melts away, revealing a path forward that feels aligned, possible, exciting.

3. Sustainable success: Softness leads to an unfurling - a gentle and sustainable expansion of a woman's potential and capacity to hold success, impact and visibility. Grounded in gentleness, compassion, and love, a woman becomes unstoppable.

Practical Steps: Embracing Softness in Your Journey to Success

Here are some ways to incorporate softness into your pursuit of success:

• Redefine your metrics: What are the soft outcomes you want in your life? What do you want your life to look and feel like day-to-day? Today - not when you hit the next milestone, promotion or income goal, but today.

• Allow yourself moments of softening. You’re doing great. Take a moment to pause and rest, take a breath, feel the support of the chair behind you. Let yourself give 5% less effort.

• Seek kindness: Surround yourself with mentors, practices, and friends who hold you in a container of kindness and softness. Who’s company allows you to breath easier, where do you feel able to be more yourself?

• Meet challenges with love: Life has enough challenges without us adding to them through harshness and self-hatred. Resource yourself with kindness to meet life's inevitable challenges.

Your Invitation to a Softer Success

It's time to embrace the power of softness in your journey to success. This doesn't mean avoiding challenges or growth, but about resourcing ourselves with the softness and kindness we need to meet life's inevitable challenges with resilience and grace.

Your Assignment: Take a moment to reflect on your definition of success. How can you incorporate more softness into that vision? What would your life look like if you allowed yourself to be both ambitious and soft?

I'd love to hear your thoughts. How do you balance ambition and softness in your own life? What challenges do you face in embracing a softer approach to success?

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If you enjoyed this blog post, you might also like to read:

• Embracing Cyclical Ambition: a Softer Path to Success

• How to Achieve Bold, Balanced Success by Embracing Your Inner Rebel and Your Good Girl

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