The Highly Sensitive Rebel: How Owning Your Sensitivity can Lead to Outrageous Success

6 Oct

Understanding the Highly Sensitive Person's Inner Conflict: The Rebel, The Good Girl, and The Sensitive Soul

Growing up, I always felt like a rebel trapped inside a good girl's body.

On one side, there was my bullish, rebel father’s lineage, and on the other, my cautious, rule-following mum’s ancestry.

In me, this created an internal landscape that was equal parts "let’s burn it all down" and "dear society, if it's not too much trouble, sorry for the inconvenience. xoxo".

I had such strong feelings, opinions, and ideals - alongside incredible fears of breaking rules, speaking up, or being visible rocking the boat.

Often, it felt like the rebel was trapped, caged, and corseted by the good girl.

And the good girl? She spent most of her time stressed out and anxious due to my near-constant need to do things differently and follow my own path.

What I’ve discovered working with thousands of women, is that this internal struggle is super common, especially among those of us who are ‘highly sensitive, deep feelers’. We feel torn between our drive to make a big impact in the world and our need for gentleness and sustainability.

The Gift of Sensitivity: Discovering Your Hidden Superpower as a Deep Feeling, Highly Sensitive Woman.

For years, I thought my sensitivity was part of my 'good girl' persona - something to be overcome, a weakness in a world that values thick skin and unshakeable confidence.

Growing up I heard repeatedly:

"Don't be so sensitive"
"Don't let them get to you so much"
"You need to grow a thicker skin"

But here's a revolutionary thought:

What if our sensitivity is the very reason we're so rebellious in the first place?

From Sun Allergy to Self-Discovery: My Journey with Big Feelings and High Sensitivity.

I've been highly sensitive my whole life - and I mean that quite literally.

For the first eight years of my life, I was allergic to the sun. THE SUN.

Imagine being a child who can't go outside to play without breaking out in hives.

It was as if the world itself was too much for my sensitive body to handle.

I’m a permeable being, I’m acutely aware of everything around me. The world touches me, and it does so deeply. I feel things so strongly in response:

My emotions are high definition, technicolour.
Love, delight, pleasure, grief, anger, sweet brushes of shyness - I experience them all very intensely.
I'm devastated and heartbroken every day by the injustices of this world.
I viscerally feel time slipping through my fingers constantly.
I fall in love with life more deeply each day.
I'm acutely aware of my impact on other people, my own inadequacies, alongside startling glimpses of brilliance.

I'm equally in awe and terrified by all of it - by life itself, as it lives through me.

It is so full on.

Unlikely Allies: How Your Sensitivity Fuels Your Inner Rebel

After a long journey of fighting my sensitivity, this is what I’ve come to know: our sensitivity and our inner rebels are actually on the same team.

And that 'good girl' part? She is a smart, protective response to a culture that told us our sensitivity was a problem to be solved, rather than a strength to be harnessed.

As I've grown and reflected on my experiences, I've come to realise that my sensitivity:

Fuelled my passion for justice and led to a great career in Human Rights.
Helps me see through the charades of societal norms and the corridors of power.
Acts as my internal compass for truth and beauty.
Serves as a finely-tuned BS radar.
Guides me away from toxic environments and towards healthier ways of living and working.
Is the reason I get such great results with the women I work with.

5 Ways Sensitivity Makes You a Natural Rebel and Changemaker

Our sensitivity makes us rebels because:

It makes us acutely aware of what's wrong in the world, in an organisation, in a conversation.
It compels us to seek change and challenge the status quo.
It refuses to be numbed or controlled by societal expectations.
It pushes us to create new, healthier ways of living and working.
It enables us to empathise deeply, compelling us to make a positive impact.

My sensitivity is the reason I cannot work in unhealthy environments. It's why I've had to carve out my own path in life and business, shaping a different way of doing things than the boss babe/hustle culture I inherited.

My body is rebellious in her sensitivity, and she will not cooperate with toxic norms. She gets sick and burned out. She says No.

My body refuses to be shut down, and will not be brought under the power of the 'rational' mind or my intellect. She is uncontrollable. Wild and rebellious by nature.

Thank goodness, because she's always showing me the healthiest, most nourishing, most beautiful way to go next.

When I am wise enough … I listen and follow her.

Integrating the Rebel, the Good Girl, and the Sensitive Soul

So how do we bring all these parts of ourselves together for the bold, balanced success we desire?

Here are some strategies I've developed through my work:

Embrace your sensitivity: Recognise it as a strength, not a weakness. It's your internal guidance system. For me, this has meant stopping the internal war against my sensitive nature and starting to see it as the gift it is.
Channel your rebel: Use the passion and vision of your rebel self, guided by your sensitivity, to create positive change. My rebel spirit, fuelled by my sensitivity, led me to challenge norms in my Human Rights career and later in how I approach business. It helps me speak up when something isn’t congruent or just.
Redefine your 'good girl': Instead of seeing her as a restrictive force, view her as the part of you that cares deeply and wants to contribute positively to your life and the world. My 'good girl' isn't about people-pleasing anymore; she's about creating structures that support my sensitive rebel nature, and she helps me stay in connection even when I’m being disruptive or making waves.
Listen to your body: Your body is a source of great wisdom, and often knows what's best. My body's reactions have become my most trusted advisor. Learning to listen and understand what your body is communicating is invaluable and is a key skill to becoming a great change-making woman.
Create boundaries: Use your sensitivity to identify what doesn't serve you. Your rebel’s courage can help you say no to those things, and your ‘good girl’ can help you navigate it without burning bridges. This has been crucial in shaping my business and personal life in a way that honours all parts of me.
Seek alignment: Look for ways to live and work that feel true to all parts of yourself. This will likely mean carving your own path rather than following conventional routes to success. I believe this is what us sensitive rebels are here to do, steward in new ways of living and working.

The Highly Sensitive Rebel: Your Path to Soft Success

As we've explored the power of embracing your sensitivity and rebellious nature, you might be wondering how this fits into the bigger picture of your life and career. This is where my concept of "A Softer Success" comes in - a core principle in my work with ambitious women (I’ve written more about this here).

Soft Success is about achieving your big goals and making a significant impact on the world, all while living a life that feels spacious, satisfying, and sustainable.

It's the antidote to the burnout culture that tells us we need to hustle 24/7 to be successful.

As a Highly Sensitive Rebel, you're uniquely positioned to embody Soft Success.

Here's why:

Your sensitivity gives you deep insight and empathy, allowing you to lead and innovate in more humane, sustainable ways.
Your rebellious spirit empowers you to challenge toxic norms and create new, healthier ways of achieving success.
Your ability to feel deeply connects you to what truly matters, helping you set goals that align with your authentic self.

The Softer Success Revolution: Creating a New Path to Fulfilment.

When we integrate our sensitivity, our rebelliousness, and our desire to do good, we become a powerful force for change. We create success that's not just bold, but also balanced and deeply fulfilling.

This integration allows us to:

Achieve our ambitions without burning out
Make a positive impact while staying true to ourselves
Find joy and ease in the process of creating change and hitting big goals
Redefine success on our own terms

Embracing Your Highly Sensitive Rebel: Why the World Needs Your Unique Perspective

I believe sensitive souls like us are the canaries in the coal mine of our culture. We're the ones who know in our bones that we cannot continue as we are.

We feel deeply that something isn't right in how we're living, and we understand the consequences ahead if it doesn’t change.

We're inconvenient in our refusal not to feel, non-conformist in our non-numbed nature. And that's exactly what the world needs right now.

Your sensitivity isn't a liability – it's a superpower. It will allow you to lead with both strength and empathy, to set ambitious goals and approach them with gentleness and intuition.

So here's to embracing all parts of ourselves - the sensitive, the rebellious, and the caring. Here's to refusing to be boxed in by societal expectations. Here's to creating a world that values depth of feeling, that sees sensitivity as strength, and that allows us to be fully, unapologetically ourselves.

How very un-goodgirl-like of us. And how absolutely necessary.

~~~~~

If you're ready to embrace your Highly Sensitive Rebel and create a life of Softer Success, I'm here to guide you. Whether through one-on-one coaching or my group programmes (check them out here), we can work together to harness your sensitivity and rebellious spirit, in service of achieving the ambitious, balanced success you desire.

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Erika Chalkley